Dear My Husband,
I don’t know how to thank you for what you have done for me these past few months. For helping me feel not so alone, not so stressed, and not so sad.
We’ve been through a lot, you and I. Forty-one weeks of pregnancy and then the beautiful, glorious, and scary birth of our sweet daughter. The best and worst day of my life. The exhausting and tender weeks that followed.
How do I thank you?
How do I thank you for patiently attending the oh-so-many classes with me? For constantly cooking and running out to get me food? For making me feel beautiful as my body grew and changed?
How do I thank you for walking hallway after hallway of the hospital with me, holding my hand and squeezing my back as I labored? For being a steady presence at my side as what I hoped for and deeply wanted was lost?
How do I thank you for sitting with me and helping me feel less afraid as I stared up at the bright lights and listened to the sounds of surgery, waiting for our baby to be born? For holding her to my chest afterwards and making sure she was with me as much as possible?
How do I thank you for helping me move through the excruciating pain, getting me out of bed and to the bathroom? For bringing me anything I needed? For soothing and walking with our daughter when I couldn’t?
How do I thank you for noticing when our baby was latched poorly and gently helping her try again? For bringing her back to my breast when I was too exhausted to do so myself? For washing the pump parts, over and over again, day and night, as I worked to feed our daughter?
How do I thank you for all of the love you’ve poured out on her? For the kisses, cuddles, and soothing? For the diaper changes, burping, and bouncing?
How do I thank you for holding me as I cried, drained and trying to cope with the physical pain and the sense of loss I felt? For making me believe I am beautiful and desirable as I came to terms with my new postpartum body – weight gain, stretch marks, loose skin, and all?
One of our midwives told me that you were like a papa bear, watching over us, protecting us. My rock of steadiness when everything was going wrong, You were strong for me when I didn’t have any strength left. These words are not enough, but thank you. Thank you, my love. I love you forever.
By doula and educator Kristen Paquin